What is England English?

So a while back I posted something on Londonisms, this time I will be going a step further and just tell the truth about the country and its people.

I will start with use of the word "mind".  The tube at every stop announces in a rather annoying voice, "mind the gap", before we leave a station it is "mind the doors" and while standing on the platform it is "mind the train".  I was also told the other day while trying to squeeze on to the tube to "mind yourself and mind the pushing", he was mad at me but it was still hard to stifle my laugh.  I would rather watch my step, the more stuff I mind the less I have for other useless crap in my brain.

This is just me being a bad person but I can't shake the thought out of my head.  There is a string of stores called the Co-operative.  I do my shopping at the Co-operative Food store next to my flat which is entirely normal, what gets me is they have expanded past grocery stores.  this is the statement on their website "A unique family of businesses owned by our members including: Food, Travel, Banking, Insurance, Pharmacy, Funeralcare, Legal Services, Electrical and Beds."  I understand food, travel and pharmacy, but the rest I don't get. I don't even know what to make of beds.  My favorite though is funeralcare, I pass the shop or parlor everyday on my way to school and I always get the worst thought in my head.  It goes something like this: 

Dear members, Today George died in a tragic accident involving the automatic doors at our pharmacy while picking up his weekly medications.  George was a valued member for the past 30 years and lived a fulfilling 76 years.  The service for George will be held on this coming Saturday at 1pm at the Barnet Church of England, we encourage all of you to attend.  In the absence of George we will need a greeter to fulfill his normal duties at the service and we now have a 2 hour slot opened for volunteers on Monday and Tuesday.  Remember by volunteering you continually reduce the amount of your final service.  Please respond to this email or feel free to call me if you wish to take his place.  


I know it isn't like that, but everyday that I pass the Co-operative Funeralcare I can't stop thinking of these stories.  I suppose that is less England and more me, whatever I still blame them.


Something that I learned last night via twitter is a thing called the Man Flu.  I'm not sure if you have heard of this before but it is a very big deal here in England.  So big that a study was actually conducted into the possibility of Man Flu.  I had to use the power of the internet and specifically Wikipedia to find out what this actually was.  This is what Wiki had to say:
Man flu is a pejorative term that refers to the idea many men, when they have a cold, exaggerate and claim they have the flu — the implication being that women do not do so. Whilst a commonly used phrase in the UK, it is referred to in other cultures and there is a growing scientific basis for the phrase. A study published in 2009 was widely reported as supporting the concept that "man flu" exists, but many believe that the media were misunderstanding and/or misrepresenting the science. The study had nothing to do with the flu (the experiment was related to bacterial, not viral, infection) and was performed on genetically modified mice rather than human beings, so the results are not necessarily applicable to humans (Wikipedia, 2011).  Since everyone is getting sick these days out here everyone is referring to man flu.  My suggestion is to type in man flu to google and see what you get, if nothing else it will keep you laughing and entertained for about 10 minutes.  My personal favorite so far is http://manflu.info/index.htm worth a look.

In time I will post more, those of you that might get emails my get some of the terms I use.  They tend to be hard to think of, I don't notice them unless someone say something about it.  I will keep collecting the awkwardness that is England and sharing it with the world.